Babywearing: a tool to provide contact

Sometimes, babywearing is seen as a mean of transport, a way to carry your baby from one place to another and avoid the use of the stroller. Of course, I am not denying the importance of this practical aspect (and I will write more about this in other posts). But keep reading to find more about the relevance of babywearing as a tool to satisfy one of the most important needs of young children: contact!

When my first was a tiny baby, evenings were difficult. We struggled with breastfeeding and he didn’t take a pacifier at that point, so it was really complicated to calm him down when he was unsettled. During the evenings he normally cried and cried and we spent hours walking with him around the apartment trying to help him settle. The only thing that worked (and I am not exaggerating), was to put him on a sling. Once I did, he would eventually calm down and settle, or even fall asleep!

Yet for some reason, I didn’t do it right away. For weeks I spent many eternal minutes with a screaming baby in my arms before finally putting him on the wrap. Why? Why did it take me so long to understand that being on the sling was exactly what he needed? I don’t know, maybe it was just my very tired postpartum brain. But maybe it was also this idea I had that babywearing was for the outside, for going for a walk, or do chores. On my brain I had this notion that putting the baby on the sling had to respond to some sort of practical need, and it took me a while to integrate slings as a tool to confort him.

Babies need contact

For many years, and many generations, we were told that we need to help our kids be independent, that if we held them too much they would get used to it and develop an extreme dependence on us. Luckily, we have been learning from research and we have re connected to our roots, and now we know better. Babies do not get used to being in our arms, they need them. Physical contact is one of the main needs of newborns!

Human babies are ‘premature’

Human beings are born ‘prematurely’ with respect to other species. Think of horses, for instance, that are born and are already walking within the first few minutes of their lives. In our species, however, newborn are completely dependent of their caregivers for many months. That is why we talk sometimes of an extero-gestation: babies spend 9 months on an intra-uterine gestation, but then they need another 9 months of an extra-uterine gestation. Science has many theories about why in our species babies are born “early”, and I am not going to go into details about this now. But the conclusion is clear: when human babies are born, they are completely dependent on their mothers or their main caregiver.

The need for contact

As a consequence, they have a strong primal need for closeness and contact, since this is what makes them feel safe. Think about the origins of our species: a baby that was left alone was an easy prey for any predator. As a consequence, the ones that demanded and obtained contact and closeness with their parents were more likely to survive. Being in close contact with their parents makes babies feel safe, it helps them regulate their breathing and their temperature. The contact also induces the release of oxytocin, which helps enhance the bond between parent and child.

Babywearing: so much more than a mean of transport

On a future post I will discuss the many ‘benefits’ of babywearing. Most of them, however, are simply the natural consequences of contact. You probably noticed here I am talking about consequences and not benefits. Contact and closeness are basic needs of infants, so we should think of them being fulfilled as the norm, and not something extra that might have benefits. Elena de monitos talks a lot about this, as do many lactation consultants consultants (who don’t like to talk about the benefits of breasfeeding).

Babywearing as a tool to provide contact

When we carry our children in our arms, we are providing them with the closeness and contact they need. And when we do it with a sling or carrier, we are doing it in a confortable way. The confort for both parts helps us do it for longer periods, thus providing even more contact. We enter in a very positive cycle of getting more and more ‘benefits’ from the practice.

Slings are then these magical tools that let us comply non-stop with the needs of our kids while still retaining some of our freedom. We can even nurse on the sling! The practical aspect together with the increased oxytocin flow can really facilitate the breastfeeding journey. But I will talk more about this another day. For now, let us just close with these final remarks

• Babies and small children need closeness and contact
• Satisfying that need has many positive consequences for their development
• Babywearing is a tool that will allow you to comply with that need without losing your mind

And by the way… adults need contact too! For us it is also really satisfying and calming to have our babies close to our hearts.

If you want to carry your kid in a confortable and safe way, have a look at the Babywearing section. I offer many different options so that you can find the sling or carrier that will work perfectly for you and your family!